Feature: Wannabe MPs’ ludicrous laws
Judging by what they would like to see passed into legislation, the new generation of MPs are in for a shock.
politics.co.uk has been carefully sounding out the views of prospective parliamentary candidates as part of our wannabe-MP questionnaire. The results – in some cases, at least – are a little startling.
Common themes quickly emerge by party. Each has their own their own style of rampant idealism, their own kind of earnest yearning to drastically change the country. Candidates’ responses were given in answer to the question: if you had the chance to pass one law, what would it be?
The Tories are, without a doubt, the keenest on sweeping away the present government’s terrible sins. In particular, their enthusiasm for getting rid of past legislation knows no bounds.
David Nuttall, who is fighting the marginal seat of Bury North would pass a bill “to require that for any new act to be passed two existing acts must be repealed!”
Dominic Raab’s (Esher and Walton) repeal act would go further. “I would get rid of all the legislative graffiti passed purely for a cheap political headline”, he says.
Antony Little, fighting Norwich South, would like to see a ‘sunset clause’ law enabling parliament to review or repeal laws after a specific time period. “This would mean that our law is really adaptable to the needs of the present and the future, not the past.”
Not content with one area, Diana Coad standing in Slough wants to fit three areas into her monster bill. She would “do away with political correctness, health and safety which has gone too far and a Human Rights Act now twisted beyond all recognition and used for all the wrong reasons”. Do away with political correctness? Perhaps we should tell her to get back to the kitchen.
It may strike you that some of the above are so desperately yearning to solve problems that doing so at a stroke through legislation might be a little unworkable. You would probably be right.
Janice Small, the Tory candidate for Batley and Spen, would pass a law “to ensure our pensioners are treated with dignity, fed properly and not left to starve in our institutions”. Hendon’s Liberal Democrat candidate Matthew Harris would introduce “plain English legislation”, tackling the “jargon and gobbledegook” which affects the least well-off. Labour’s Ian Boulton would pass a law to “ban child poverty”. What an absurdly unrealisable goal! Wait – something very close to it has already been passed by the Labour government.
“If it were only possible. a law to stop organisations passing the buck whether they be councils, businesses, governments or the media,” says Simon Burgess, Labour, Brighton Kemptown. Why stop there? Sue Woodward, also Labour, of Cannock Chase, wonders: “Wouldn’t it be great if we could pass, and enforce, a law to make people honest? Then we could have a law to make people fair.”
We are getting perilously close to legislating to abolish everything bad here. So let’s turn our attention to would-be MPs whose legislation is somewhat more practical.
Labour’s Tom Miller, standing in Woking, would abolish daylight saving hours. Chris Bowers, the pride of the Wealden Lib Dems, would “love to see a semi-circular House of Commons” because it would make the place “more conciliatory”. The Tories’ Victoria Ayling of Great Grimsby would like to allow men in rape cases to remain anonymous unless found guilty. “It seems unfair to name someone who may be found not guilty later on whilst his accuser can remain anonymous.”
From the serious to the not-so-serious: some PPCs have proposed worthy, partisan causes which would advance the interests of their local seat.
“Locally, I would very much like to ensure that the Brighton Marina Act 1968 is altered to prohibit absolutely any building above the cliff height,” says Simon Kirby, the Conservative rival in Brighton Kemptown.
But others get a bit carried away. The excellently-named Lib Dem Eluned Parrott of Vale of Glamorgan says she would repeal the law which makes it legal to shoot a Welshman in Hereford Cathedral Close at certain times of night with a crossbow. “I like going out in Hereford but don’t want to take any unnecessary risks!”
Prue Bray, another Lib Dem from Wokingham, refers to the “totally unnecessary” legislation which makes it illegal to sell, or offer for sale, a game bird killed on a Sunday or Christmas Day.
And then there’s Lib Dem Tom Brake’s proposed law. The incumbent in Carshalton and Wallington states his case with characteristic brevity.
He proposes legislating to ensure that “no one is allowed to use e-mail anymore”. With constituents only able to correspond by snail mail, MPs’ lives would certainly be made a lot easier.
