The week according to Sean Dilley
There are many rules in parliament, yet few of them are written anywhere and those rules that do exist tend to be discovered through a process of trial and error. No one tells you, when you pick up your parliamentary pass,what you can and can't do and certainly no one pre-briefs the public on what to wear.
Earlier this week, charismatic Labour crusader Stephen Pound drew my attention to a young lady who was denied entrance because she was wearing a "free Palestine" T-shirt, while those with "save our NHS" were permitted through. I am the biggest supporter of the house authorities and the security staff, who do a fantastic job, but I will never be able to understand how visitors can enter the public gallery of the Commons chamber dressed as a chicken but they are turned away for bearing political slogans.
I mean what kind of monster tries bringing politics to Westminster, eh?
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Boris Johnson has made himself as popular with the Tory high command as a salt shaker at a slug's wedding after arguing against economic equality.
Speaking at the Centre for Policy Studies' annual Margaret Thatcher Lecture, the London mayor proclaimed that he and the Iron Lady were "one and the same" – a slightly confusing claim unless he is referring to their shared talent for glamour and beauty.
Then, in true Frank Drebin style, the former shadow minister for fun caused every moderate Tory in the land to slap their forehead in disbelief as he insisted that "as many as 16% of our species have an IQ below 85".
Now some readers may think these words, from the mouth of a prospective future prime minister, write-off nearly a fifth of the population. But it seems Bojo was merely trying to save society from itself, just in case it did something socially responsible like addressing fuel poverty.
At least that's one possible conclusion you could draw from his political proclamations, to which he added his belief that financial inequality serves only to encourage people to "strive for success".
Well if you say so Boris!
Perhaps the Mayor may like to reflect on the fact that 84% of our species – not to mention most future prime ministers – are not so arrogant as to initiate their own Harry Enfield-style sketch and say: "I am considerably cleverer than YOW!"
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He's done it again. Pulling a U-turn that would have Top Gear's Stig calling for clean pants, the prime minister has decided to reverse the good ship government yet again to revisit plain cigarette packaging and save us all.
Labour leader Ed Miliband used PMQs to poke fun at David Cameron's links with tobacco man and Tory advisor Lynton Crosby by branding the Conservative leader a "Benson and Hedge Funds man". It smacks a bit of irony to attack inaction on removing tobacco brand association on health grounds by using brand association in parliament's most watched session.
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Twit or Tweet?
Meanwhile, while the country battles with inflated fuel bills and the resulting increase in deaths from fuel poverty, Scottish independence and the perceived threat from Bulgarians and Romanians, it's nice to know the PM has found time to nip out for a Ruby Murray.
Tweeting on Monday, @david_cameron said: "I'm celebrating the enterprise culture (and my favourite dish – Lamb Rogan) at the British Curry Awards"
Let's leave aside the perplexing compulsion politicians have to tell the world as publically as possible that they like a nice curry. You may remember, in opposition the prime minister expressed concern that "too many tweets might make a twat".
So, in these difficult times, was the PM right to share his dinner plans with the nation? Or have too many tweets really taken their predicted toll?
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There are only a couple of Scottish National party MPs in Westminster and one of those happens to be my good friend Angus 'Brendon' MacNeil, the MP for Na h-Eileanan an lar. If you can't pronounce that, don't worry no-one else can either, which is why the media tend to settle for describing him as the member for the Scottish Highlands.
While stomping around the palace on Wednesday, I witnessed passerby after passerby teasing the SNP's transport spokesman. "You'll have to move out of that flat of yours," one said. I'm sure Angus wouldn't quibble at me saying he'd be sad to leave Westminster. Indeed he tells me he's already putting in a bid to become the Scottish ambassador to London.
So whether the Scottish people recall the Celtic warrior remains to be seen, but Angus is definitely one of Westminster's true conviction politicians and a man who is almost universally popular across the floor. Known in parts of the Westminster Scottish Office as "the acceptable face of the SNP" he is a fine example of how it's possible to debate the emotive topic of independence without tears, name calling or toys being thrown from prams.
Sean Dilley is a freelance political journalist and broadcaster.
